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Dec. 23rd, 2003

Family. The word conjures up all sorts of images, both good and bad.

I haven't seen my grandpa since May, right after I got back from Italy. He didn't bother to come to the most recent family gathering, Thanksgiving. Now, this is the same man who had to be threatened by my Aunt Louise to go to his son's house all the way in New Jersey for Christmas this year because his son, my father, who would do absolutely anything for him, didn't deserve that sort of crap. Also, my Zia, his daughter, is spending Christmas yet again at her boyfriend's house instead of with her family. He all too often takes precedence over us.

Zia invited us out to Brooklyn for Christmas Eve, because that was the only time she had for us. Now, the conflict is my Uncle on my mother's side and his new wife (My Aunt, I guess. I'm still getting used to that) and her family who flew all the way here from England will be spending Christmas Eve at my Mom's sister's house because they'd like to spend Christmas alone (in this case it's understandable, they've often spent time out here with us since being back in the States). So basically we'll be spending about two hours in Brooklyn with Zia, Grandpa, and the used car salesman of a boyfriend, eating the traditional Italian fish Xmas eve dinner, and then jetting back to New Jersey for dessert with the other side of the family.

Huh, big power outage in New Jersey. So that's why the lights were flickering before...

Anyway, my mother said that she'd invite Zia out here for Christmas for gatherings one more year, but beyond that, she gives up. It's not worth the pain and the rejection. My grandpa is spoiled, he thinks that the world rises and sets around he and Zia, but virtually ignores his son. He thinks that all people should care about him, and yet he never gives any care back.

This really fucking hurts. I've already lost one of my grandfathers, it's still such an open sore, and now I'm losing another one by his own friggin' selfish actions. And I get the feeling that I'm not just going to be able to smile anymore and say everything's fine.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
mosinging1986
Dec. 23rd, 2003 08:43 pm (UTC)
:::hugs:::

I hear ya. That family stuff is *hard*. And you know, I'm getting to the point where I don't think it's always wrong to speak up and say how you feel. Sometimes it makes things worse, depending on the circumstances. But this smiling and pretending things are fine is just so wrong. Even if no one listens and/or it doesn't change anything, sometimes it feels good just to get it out.

Hope things work out.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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